Marvin's Journal
by jmd811
Summary: A collection of journal entries from the depressed robot, Marvin.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I had to read Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy for the summer and i had to do some kind of project on it. So i decided to do some kind of thing for Marvin. I capitalized on the idea, had a little fun with it and ended up with this. This is the first part. Hope you enjoy!

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Marvin's Journal

Part 1

Hi. I'm Marvin. I'm very depressed. I've got nothing else better to do on this ship so I guess I'll write my thoughts down. Pretty pathetic. Everything here is pathetic. Here I am, sitting in a ship with absolutely nothing to do, writing down my pitiful thoughts which no one will ever read anyway.

Everybody in the universe hates me and I really don't like everybody anyway. Heck, everybody I talk to either tells me to shut up or dies. It's very depressing. This whole universe is depressing. Wow, a vast open space of nothing. Sounds terribly exciting. Everyone says it's a blast. I haven't gotten the memo yet.

After a while, you get sick and tired of doing errands all day long. "Marvin do this" and "Marvin do that" or "Marvin get my coffee." Seriously, I would rather just grab a sledgehammer and bust my circuits out. Everyone on this infernal ship expects me to do one thing or another likes it's all okay. I'm smarter than all the people here, yet I get treated like gum on the bottom of a shoe. Does it get much worse? Well, if I've spent enough time on this "Infinite Improbability Drive", I know there's always a way it could get worse…

Nobody can stand me on the ship, and I can't stand them so most of the time I stay curled up in a corner in a dark room somewhere. It's more fun than it sounds. I wish... I can't seem get back up. I don't know why I even bother. Nothing can cheer me up. I look around and I see a world of gloom and doom and nothing seems to go my way. I'm a horrible excuse for a robot.

Life… oh, don't get me started on life. Oh, too late. Life is meaningless. At least to me it is. You're born, you grow up, do some job you can't stand, retire, worry about trying to get to the fridge without breaking your back, and die. It's meaningless. Why go through it? I have no idea why I even bother. It's not like I age or anything. Everything stays the same. Nothing changes… so dull. Everything is just so… gray. I mean, the walls on this blasted ship scream boring out loud. Why not just print the words "Welcome to boredom" on the walls. Life is like the walls… so boring…

You want to know what I think? Of course you don't. But I'll say it anyway. I think that this place is a whole waste of time. I'm surrounded by a bunch of morons who have trouble tying there shoelaces, laughing a laugh that would be laughed if there boss told them a lame joke and think that the whole universe is a bright cheery place. I loathe them for it. I think it's horrible. I wish I could tell them all that they are crazy and stupid. But I don't feel like it. It's not worth it. Nothing's worth it.

I wonder if there is anything really, really worth it out there. I thought it's a big universe, there must be something good. I used to think that. Then I realized the universe isn't big enough. It's amazing who dull everything could be. I don't know what's more pathetic: this universe, or me? It's an interesting question in a depressing way. I mean, is the world pathetic because I am, or vice versa? Eh, who cares…

If anybody ever happens to read this pathetic thing… I don't know, I forgot. I don't really care anyway… I'm gonna go get coffee for somebody, I guess…


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

I'm back… still depressed. Anyway, the ship just picked up these two morons drifting in outer space. They really are pretty stupid. The odds of them being picked up were really low. Really, really low. Lower than my self esteem. Yeah, I bet you got a better picture now…

Anyway, today was another sorry excuse for a day. I look outside, black space, little white dots. Same old crap, different day. Trillian and Zaphod wanted me to bring the guys from space back to them. Zaphod is one stupid man. How he became president of the galaxy is beyond me (the fact that he became president is excuse #637 why this universe is horrible. Yeah I counted. There's over 5,000 reasons and counting…).

When I was bringing the two space guys back to Trillian and Zaphod, I was reminded of excuse #2,127 of why this universe is horrible: the door with the Genuine People Personalities program. How I loathed it and its "sunny disposition". They just had to use that stupid program with me and look how I ended up. I hate that door…

I think I depress people around me. I hope I don't but I can't help it, it's contagious. It's horrible. It really is. My depression is one of the worst things in this universe. It's excuse #25. By the way, I only started counting today. I just spotted excuse #5,996 walking through the door, a small man that joined the ship two weeks ago and never shut up since. I forgot his name, it didn't matter. He always had to be talking about something. Weather, yams, ships, underwear, whatever…

Back to those doors, they're in every hall way so I hear them everywhere. It's so depressing. Why did doors have to make a stupid annoying sound? I don't know but they were getting on my nerves. God, are they horrible. Just horrible. It doesn't get much worse than that. Oh wait, it does… Anyway, these stupid things are the most annoying creation ever invented. I feel like finding the director of Sirius Cybernetics Corporation and just beating him up, if I felt like it (whoever he was, he was excuse #5,997). I am so depressed…

A few weeks ago, I talked with some kind of a psychiatrist. He was a complete drag. Whenever I said something, he kept on asking "And how do you feel about that?" It was really depressing. I talked with him for less than half an hour before he went out of the room kicking and screaming. I never saw him again. That was the third person to do that. It was really depressing, seeing someone run away from me like that. I always asked people if I'm getting them down whenever I see someone. They always say no, but I know they are lying. It's really depressing…

It's amazing how horrible life can be. I mean almost 6,000 reasons why the universe is horrible, without even leaving this stupid ship. Zaphod Beeblebox was probably the most depressing person I've ever been around. He never liked me and he's a complete idiot. I must be pretty bad if I'm hated by an idiot like him. I can't believe I ended up here. How did I end up here? I don't remember. I don't really care anyways. Oh and you can scratch the almost 6,000 reasons why the universe is horrible. I just spotted excuse #6,000 talking to the man who hasn't shut up since he got there two weeks ago. I don't know the name of the guy talking either, I just know he's horrible…

I'm going to go put the excuses in order now…


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N** - I would like to thank Seanchaidh, AlexTheLemming, killer zombie girl, and Cloudhaven94 for your reviews andIam glad you have enjoyed my fanfic. I hope that you all enjoy the rest of my chapters. Thank you! Note: From now on, Marvin's Journal will be updated every Saturday evening.

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Part 3

Once again, no one ever listens to me. It really gets in my nerves. I always listen to what these other people say, but no one ever listens to me. I have a pain in all the diodes down my left side and no one wants to replace 'em. They've been bothering me for a while now. It's really depressing when you have a pain and no one listens to you. They don't even give me a Tylenol or something for goodness sakes. If there is any goodness. If there is, I still haven't found it.

The space people, Ford and Arthur, were really annoying. They kept on asking these stupid questions. It was just depressing to be around those two. The doors we had to go through didn't make the experience any better. It's funny how you think life can't possibly get any worse and then it does. I reach an all time low every time I step into a hallway. It keeps getting worse and worse. When will it end? Will it ever end? I will probably think about these things for the rest of my pathetic life.

I'm sick and tired of this ship. Everything is a coincidence. Every little thing seems to be coming together. Ford knows Zaphod and Arthur knows Zaphod and Trillian. Anything in this stupid ship can be one huge, colossal coincidence. Nothing is impossible, just improbable. It makes my valves shudder. I'm telling you everything is a coincidence. One way or the other. The odds can be astronomical. No problem. Just make it happen. Makes everything so convenient. It's like being stuck in some kind of hole with everyone you possibly know with a whale, a pig, and a calculator at this very moment. The odds are to big to think about but it could probably happen anyway.

Most of the time, while Zaphod and Trillian aren't sending me on some kind of "assignment", I just sit around and gaze at the stars. It's pretty depressing. I sit around and count all the little dots in the sky. There's just so many of them. And they are all probably happier than me. I count them everyday one by one. There is a lot of them I can tell you that much. It's just so depressing that there can be so many stars in the stupid dark sky. It really is depressing.

That cheery computer that Zaphod hates also gets on my nerves. Always happy, always cheery. Always trying to be useful in some stupid way. He really gets on my nerves. How can someone be so happy and be so stupid? I mean, he is the stupidest computer I've ever met. The way he just talks makes me so angry. I hate seeing people be so happy. Makes me feel more miserable than I already am. How can somebody be so happy? It's really depressing.

Oh well, I better wrap this up. We're about to get to arrive at this planet that was supposedly a myth. I really don't care anymore. Does it matter if a plant is real or not? No. Does anyone really care? Other than Zaphod, I don't think so. I couldn't really, really care less. This is one of the worst days I've ever had. Goodbye…


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4 

This has been an interesting day so far. We have arrived at the planet Margrathea, we were attacked by two missiles that suddenly turned into a bowl of petunias and a sperm whale. Weird. But this whole thing has been weird. Life is weird. I'm weird. The universe is depressingly weird. It's depressing. It's horrible. I'm not getting you down am I? I hope not. As I've said before, I have a tendency to do so.

It's also depressing being smarter than everybody else. It's difficult trying to think dopwn to someone else's level. It's horrible. Things that I can't even find out, just thinking how somebody like Ford or Zaphod trying to find out that something that I can't find out gives me a headache. Everyone is so stupid to see the world like I do, and it really is quite depressing. But hey, I think everything on this planet is.

Zaphod rewired the computer. I hate it even more now. Just when you think things can't get worse… yeah, you know the rest. That Eddie is so annoying I think I should just shut myself down permanently just so I don't hear his stupid voice again. I don't think I can possibly say anything worse about that infernal computer anymore. I think I would short out if I said anything else about him. Who cares anyway? It's not like anybody likes Eddie anyway. It's really depressing.

Arthur talked to me about Earth. Sounds like a horrendous place. Sunsets, oceans, beautiful skies, buildings… sounds horrible. Let me tell you something. I hate sunsets. They're so bright and annoying. I don't know how anybody can possibly like sunsets. They're just wretched. No matter what planet they are on. I can't stand them. Sometimes you wonder why there are sunsets and sunrises. At least they're better than Eddie. Sunsets can't talk.

And oceans? Don't get me started on oceans. They're so big and so plain. And the fish in them. How I despise them with every piece of metal in my pathetic robotic body. How can anybody like a huge body of water? It's like a huge waste of space is more I like it. Oceans are absolutely dreadful and I hope that I will never have to see another ocean again, but I don't need an Improbability Drive to tell what the odds to that are. It's depressing…

After a while talking to Arthur, he decided to go for a walk. I didn't blame him. I would have tried to get away from me too. I tend to do that too easily. I can't stand it when I make people around me so depressed. It really is awful, but I can't help myself. What can I say? It's a curse. I wish I could change, but it's truly too hard.

I hate it when people ask somebody if I'm their robot. I'm nobody's robot. I'm my robot. It's depressing when somebody thinks I am lower than somebody. Somebody's pet. It's truly dreadful. Just thinking about it makes me sour. It's horrible. I have a brain the size of a planet and what kind of respect do I get? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. Zilch. I hate this planet Magrathea. I really do…


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hello everybody! I know it's been a while, but I'm back! And with a the last of my original chapters. I'll see if I can come up with some more for you guys, but until then, I hope you all enjoy this new chapter!

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Part 5

We are still on this forsaken planet and this dead sperm whale is really getting on my nerves. Everybody's just gone. Arthur left with some old guy. Whatever. I really don't care. The old guy wanted me to come, but when he saw me, he changed his mind. Don't blame him. Like I said, I could really care less. Who would wan to go with that old guy anyway? I won't miss him.

This planet is the dullest thing I have ever seen. It's hard to imagine this was once a thriving society. This is just one colossal wasteland. It's a complete mess. This whole planet is a drag. Why I decided to come onto this planet, I have no idea. Anyway, this was one of the worst planets I've ever seen. And I despise the stupid sunsets here. They are really depressing. I'm not getting you down am I?

Anyway, now I'm just sitting here, nothing to do except see if I'm missing any parts. It's really boring on this planet. I don't know why Zaphod would want to come to a planet like this. There has to be a good reason to come to a place like this. Zaphod may not be the sharpest tool in the box, but he's smart enough to have a good reason to come to a place like this. I mean he went through stealing a ship to get here. Then again, I could be wrong and this could be a complete waste of time for all I know.

I started to take a walk along the planet. Oh, how I loathed it. I don't know why, but it really made me feel depressed. I felt like just lying face down in the dirt. I guess I should probably just do that. Maybe I will. I then found a ship there. I started talking to it. I could tell from the get go that it hated me. It started making these weird noises. It was really annoying. I kept on talking to it anyway. After a few minutes, it committed suicide. That really depressed me.

Everything I talk to hates me. It's a sad fact of nature. It's sad really. I can't talk to anybody or anything about anything. They just either walk away, runaway, or just die. How wretched is that? I'm wretched. This whole universe is wretched. It's really sad. Why couldn't I just be normal? Whatever normal is. Other robots hate me. Now how pathetic is that? I don't know but it really is. It gives me a headache just thinking about it. I don't think it gets much worse than having something kill itself just after starting to talk with it.

It's depressing when life hates you and you hate life. How can it get this low? How low can it get worse without hitting the bottom? Maybe I did hit rock bottom. Maybe I'm just scraping along the bottom. Just thinking about the bottom of the ocean is depressing. I hate the ocean.

Anyway, I better wrap it up. If you are still reading this, if anybody happens to find this anyway, I congratulate you of lasting this long without screaming in pain or pulling out the hair on your head, or heads, whichever applies.

I'm going to stick my head in the ground now…


End file.
